Running & Asthma

From early childhood I have been a sufferer of Asthma and as I grew older I still always get regular attacks that it has affected not just my personal well-being but also my social well-being. Because I am not allowed to be exposed from smoke and dirt and from crowded places, I would normally avoid social gatherings and would just retreat to outdoor activities to help my lungs breath normally.  The pain of having asthma is no joke that I would have trouble drawing a single breath and this would go on intensely especially at night as if I was breathing my last. So for two-months I started running for thirty-minutes before I go to work. I noticed that there had been a slight decrease to no attacks during the first month and on the second month I noticed a better stamina and no attacks at all. Take note though, that prior to these I was already doing a routine exercises but I would only do running once or thrice a week or sometimes, because of my busy schedule I would only do it on a weekend. The last two months had been a breakthrough for my health because it helped me perform my work well because I didn’t have any attacks and I was always present.

But on the third month, after achieving my personal goals, I procrastinated, I gave plenty of excuses to myself and stopped running, it added up eventually, that I realized I have not been running for three-weeks straight now. Let’s make it two because the third week straight I was bed ridden and could not run at all because my asthma returned. For the last five days I skipped work and refrain myself from doing any outdoor activities and stayed inside my room and forced my body to rest and sleep for more than 10 hours. Also, I did not take any other medications that were prescribed by my doctor other than the maintenance medicine that i’m using.  But I followed her advise and had my chest X-Ray, CBC and Potassium test taken and all three tests resulted normal.  I would eat fruits like Banana and jack-fruit but I wasn’t really eating a healthy meal since I was fond of putting chilli-oil on my food.  Today is the 5th day and I would say I feel a lot better compared to the last four days. It feels as if my body went into a state of shutting down and restarted on the 5th day. Earlier this morning, I decided to go out and test how my body would react, at first it felt like I will experience another attack but when a friend of mine called my attention my body started to adjust to the environment and I feel better again. I think.

Moreover, I started to exercise again today, it wasn’t the running but just the regular push-ups and crunches. I feel normal again. I don’t feel lethargic unlike the previous days. I learned a great lesson from this experience. 1.) I learned not to overindulge myself. Too much of good thing is bad. Moderation is the secret.  2.) Avoid making excuses.

I will try a diet over the weekend. I will update this blogpost for any progress.

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What could be worse?

Few days from now it’ll be my B-Day and I am single still. If that is something that I should be happy about then what could be worse?

Part of me is excited about the thought that after everything that happened over the last three years I can say I’m a survivor of this so called disease that is rotting not only my body but my whole existence.

I admit that part of me is lonely and this loneliness stems from the fact that I have failed attempts to a lasting relationships over the last three years.  I think I am to blame for all my failed attempts, either because I had high expectations and they were never met so I walked away or I felt that this isn’t going to work so bye for now.  Geez,  I know the answer and yet i’m not being honest, lol.  I guess I don’t wanna hurt their feelings so I’d rather not disclose which one is it.  Either way,  I am single and I am still yearning. Hello Ex!  I hope you miss me as much as I miss us being together!

Am I afraid of spending my B-Day alone? No.  But part of me is wishing that “sana” things would have been different.  I wish I get to spend my special day with someone special to me. Someone that I can call my own.. Yeah,  I have my family but they have their own lives like mine.  I’m happy they’re around but they will never understand what I feel.

I already set my mind that I’ll be spending the next three years as a single man so I made plans and goals for myself that I need to achieve. So what are my plans on my special day?  I have yet to figure that out, all I have at the top of my head is I wanna retreat and run away just for one whole day if not over night to somewhere remote and reflect on my life and enjoy the moment of solitude that I have.

What could be worse? I have yet to find out, but single or not I will make the most out of that special day. It only happens once a year and i’m lucky to be alive and sexier. Yeah, tibay ko lang. My friend told me that I should be fucking grateful that I am healthy again and damn sexier. LOL, If that’s his way of boosting my ego then it worked a little. I run, and I exercise, if that will not result to a healthier and sexier me then I don’t see the point of doing it.

I just wanna have a good time on that special day. Got tired of wallowing over the idea of being single actually that my mind just gave up thinking whether I will end up with Mr.Forever or will I always have to say the three letters N-S-A to anyone I will meet in the future (no pun intended here), 😂 .

My weak sauce life, Need help please.

My so called life has been a weak sauce and since I was idle at work the other day, I thought of asking Google for help, (yeah, desperate times call for desperate measures) for a remedy. Google gave me an idea on how I should be spending my birthday alone. According to one blogger: “Aloneness doesn’t mean lack of love. It’s ok to surrender to what is, to let go of what was, to have faith in what will be.”  And I agree with him in all aspects, I guess I just have to embrace and accept what faith will have to offer me. I am hopeful still of course but while he’s not yet here with me I have to be able to say to myself #Iamowningmyspecialdayonmyown and #spendingmybirthdayaloneisnotthatbad after all.  I just have be able to buy myself a lot of happiness and gift myself that smile that I truly deserved.

I have yet to figure out where to go or what to do on my special day. I filed a leave on that day and I was granted to take a day off at work. Last month I went to San Juan, La Union alone and surf,  last week I went for a hike somewhere in Rizal. Again, I have yet to figure out, but nevertheless, I will make sure to make it special.  I will update this post with my whereabouts and how I spent my Birthday!

Update:  3/28/16

Been busy that’s why I haven’t been able to update my blog. Nevertheless, I am happy that I was able to pull off a perfect birthday celebration for myself by doing something out of the ordinary. I went on a hiking on my special day! Yes! I ascended Mt. Daraitan. The mountain has a difficulty of 4/9, with a trail class 1-3 which features a tropical forest and limestone formations. Moreover, I was lucky to go on a side trip river trek and enjoyed dipping inside the caves of Tinipak river where I enjoyed the natural indoor pool made from stalagmite and stalactite. Too bad, my phone’s battery was already dead so I didn’t get to capture the beauty using my camera phone but I got everything etched on my memory forever.

Couldn’t be happier with how I celebrated my birthday. The strength i’ve been praying 4 years ago is really happening and I am grateful to my Lord God for this. I am not in a relationship at this time and yes there are moments when I long for someone to cuddle me and long for a company but what could be worse?  Yes, I am happy and grateful with this extended life. This is more than enough…at least for now.  Happy Birthday Amir Bun Qi! You’re lucky to be alive still! Embrace it and live and breath every moments that you have. Make every second of your life count!  You will only die once! Keep going!  🙂

P.S. A week after my hike I went on another getaway! This time I went to Zambales!  Will share my photo blogs on my next post!

God Bless! 🙂

Scar (cont..)

Hi Self,

I went to my Pulmo for follow up check up and interpretation of my Chest PA and it turns out, aside from Asthma, I also have.. not ILD, not fibrosis but Pneumonia! Pulmo recommended that I should be admitted for treatment asap. I was hesitant at first and requested that I be treated at home still but after careful considerations and recommendations I decided to give in and be admitted.

Currently on my 3rd day of admission and Pulmo was right that my treatment be done through IV, response rate was way faster compared that of taking the medicine orally. I feel better on the 2nd day actually but I have to yield and comply to her other orders to make sure I get the best result (and to make sure she gets to milk the cow till the very last cent) and this won’t happen again.

But you know what troubles me? Why did I have Pneumonia when I remember getting vaccinated for Anti Pneumonia vaccine last 2017? I got vaccinated for the one that’s good for 5 years. I guess this means that the anti Anti Pneumonia vaccine does not guarantee a patient from not contracting Pneumonia after all.

Anyhow, Thank you Lord, I am feeling much better now, no more wheezing and i’m just complying to the remaining medication that my doctor will administer and confirmation that I am cleared of Pneumonia and I should be out this week.

My take-aways?

1. Stress kills off our bodies defense system. If something emerges that is not what you are expecting let go and don’t sweat it.

2. Find your inner peace. Today’s hustle and bustle can cause too much noise in our head that we’ve lost that solace we once had. I learned this the hardway. For a while I was one with myself in silence, not minding the world and the changes surrounding me but then I got side tracked and eventually lost it. I’m slowly rebuilding myself and that fence and will sure it stays strong. I hope to bring back that inner peace I once had. Do you have any recommendations on how I can achive this? Please feel free to comment!

3. Health is and should always be our priority. No further discussion needed.

4. Remain calm and just observe everything around you without overthinking or overreacting.

5. Surround yourself to a few people such as your true friends, loved ones and family who truly care for you. Thank them for being there when you need and don’t need them the most.

6. Lastly, pray no matter what you situation is. No word from God will ever fail. ( Luke 1:37).

Sincerely,

Self

Timestamp: 6.19.2019 | 3:23PM

Corpse and a ghost

Dear Self,

Good Morning. I only had 4 hours of sleep and yet I woke up from a nightmare despite me sleeping very late. In my dream I saw a corpse and a ghost chasing me to death that I woke up hurting my right arm thinking that I was throwing a punch at the ghost in my dreams.

Thinking as to what those dreams mean to me. Corpse = End of Life. Could this be the end of a chapter in my waking life? Could this mean the beginning of a new life for me? Ghost = I have no idea. The ghost in my dream appeared in the door going after me and then I had to run away from it and tried to fight it. Weird thing though is that it became a human and grabbed a key and opened another door.

I’m over thinking again. How is this related to my waking life? Will I be ghosting someone? Or will someone be ghosting me? 😂😅 I just wanted this dream documented for future reference.

P.S. I am still breathing but I feel like I am dying and gasping for air.

Sincerely,

Self

Timestamp: 06.16.19 | 8AM | Sunday

Scar

Dear Self,

Hope you are doing well. It’s been a while since I sent you a message. I’ve been distracted with life and got preoccupied with my life. Yes, I am okay and grateful. God has been very good to me in all aspects. I can’t say my life is perfect but it’s better than not being a live…I guess.

I’m having a hard time sleeping, must be the coffee or must be my ILD so I’ll take this chance to tell you what’s going on in my head. You don’t need to respond but maybe your prayers will help. Few months from now I’ll be celebrating 8 years as a PLHIV but truth be told, I can’t say whether that’s more than enough time being a person living with HIV or just accept my faith.

I have not been reporting for work for about a week because of my uncontrolled asthma attack. I had myself checked and my pulmonologist had me do a CBC and a Chest PA tests. The CBC resulted normal but there were findings of Interstitial Lung Pneumonic process on my Chest PA. I have yet to visit my Pulmo again so I don’t know what the findings mean to me but I did a Google search and the search for Interstitial Lung brings me to a bunch of articles related to ILD or Interstitial Lung Disease. Interstitial (in-tur-STISH-ul) lung disease describes a large group of disorders, most of which cause progressive scarring of lung tissue. The scarring associated with interstitial lung disease eventually affects your ability to breathe and get enough oxygen into your bloodstream.

This explains my shortness of breathing even when I am at rest or that even when I am just making a small movement such as walking or going up and down the stairs to my room I already feel myself gasping for air.

I don’t feel weak and certainly have not noticed any loss of weight nor loss of appetite. In fact, over the last 6 months I’ve gained so much weight. This may be a contributing factor because I am longer as fit as I was years ago. It’s been a year as well since I last hike and I don’t run as much as I used to.

I’m giving this battle to God. I am praying that this is not something serious and that I am just overreacting and overthinking the result and that my doctor will say this is just a normal respiratory infection and that this can still be treated and I can go back and live a normal life after this battle.

I’ve heard about this scar from my doctor in the past but I was treated successfully and was able to live a normal life so maybe Dad was right that this is just me overthinking again. Nonetheless, I will remain strong and hopeful whatever my Pulmo have to say about my lung condition. I guess I just have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

My God was faithful.

My God is faithful.

My God will be faithful.

I hope it’s not yet too late for me to fix what’s broken. I got more things going on at the top of my head but that’s for another time. Good night..

Sincerely,

Self

Date: 6.16.19 | Time: 12:08 AM

Matthew 6:24

A week ako nanaginip ako ng Bibleverse Matthew 6:24. I know what the verse means but as to why it manifested in my dream I do not know. I am still making sense of it.

Hindi ako nakakalimot Lord! Sorry sa mga kahinaan at mga pagkukulang ko! Salamat Lord sa awa, habag at kalakasan!