I’m contemplating with everything that happened during the last six months…I felt my tears falling off my eyes while doing this blog for some reason. Maybe because the pain is unimaginable and no perfect words will best describe what I am going through at the moment.
It’s psychologically disturbing…Emotionally wrecking…yet humbling to the point that I cry so hard silently and shout out God’s name silently (so my mom and my siblings would not here my pain) and tell him to end my life..I’m tired….
But then my inner voice told me he had the chance to do that months ago so maybe it’s not yet time for me to die.
I’m always talking to him. I know he’s listening to my silent prayers. I know he’s testing my patience, he’s testing my faith. He’s testing how long I can keep up kaya lang minsan ang hirap na eh. Gusto ko na bumigay.
I already surrendered everything to him. I will continue fighting for as long I can even if that would mean that I have to be on hiatus this year for my recovery then so be it. But I need a strong comeback next year. God help me redeem myself from this year’s defeat. I want a new and a better life next year.
I’m embracing the pain and the tears that there is.
07/05/2014 | 10:30 AM