The last 2 weeks had been a struggle in terms of meeting and exceeding my performance to my new employer. Though I’m still in training the pressure to always put my best forward everyday is really high that I don’t get a complete 8 hours of sleep since I started working.
I’m now in my Nesting cycle where we started doing mock calls and mock mails. The first two days were okay that I even got an above average score for mock phone call and a perfect score for mock mail compared to my peers. It must be the lack of sleep, the pressure from the final interview, I don’t know but earlier today we had a mock call and the questions thrown at me we’re the ones I am not yet that comfortable discussing over the phone. Not that I had a choice but I was hoping that the questions we’re not that technical but then that would defeat the purpose of me working for a technical account, wouldn’t it?
I can feel the tears falling from my eyes good thing I was wearing glasses so no one really noticed it, but my trainer, my peers and even the agent-mock customer felt that I was becoming too fidgety and frustrated with myself.
Feedback given to me was I have a tendency to over think when the answers are sometimes just in front of me. I agreed with him and I took the feedback constructively.
When I got off the office I still felt low that I decided not to join my peers and rode a cab to avoid going home with them. I decided to send a Viber message to a special someone and told him about what I went through today. Then I realized that he was right. “Sa umpisa lang eto!!” That this is just a learning curve for me. Geez, of all people I should be the first person to realize that!
Gago ka talaga Amir.. Supervisor ka dati, and if there is someone who knows learning curve better, that’s you. Don’t be too harsh at yourself… Just enjoy and look at your situation in different perspective. God’s grace is sufficient for you.
I guess this feeling stems from the idea that I’m insecure and I’m comparing myself to my other peers who are tenured in this field. My alter ego is telling me that that it’s just so wrong!
Starting tonight I will enjoy the ride, observe and study harder. If I really can’t stop comparing myself to them then better if I compete with myself instead!! That is what I will do starting tonight!! They may be good but I won’t be there if I am not good enough.
God, I know you have guided me to be with this company so I know that you have enough grace to sustain me also. I will claim it!
I am good enough to make it this far so I will stop comparing myself to others.
So Help Me God!