Death Note

Dear Family,

I want to say I am grateful to be a part of this family for the past 34 years. Every good and bad memories I will always cherish. Please know that for the last five years I have fought hard in my personal battle because I wanted to have more time with you all. I do not blame anyone for what happened to me.

All of this I am reaping because of my own mistakes and actions in the past. If I regret one thing in my life it would be the time when I had the chance not to commit my mistakes but I didn’t do the right thing. So do not blame dad or our family for what happened to me. This is all on me.

By the time you read this letter I am gone. I am tired. For more than five years I have struggled with my condition. I tried fighting back but I can no longer bear the pain. I am happy to have been given five years with you all. I am grateful to God for extending my life and giving me a chance to live a full life.

I love you and please look after each other. Please take care of mom. I love you mommy, **, **, dad.

I am sorry I did not have the courage to tell you what I am really going through. I love you all so much that I chose to keep the pain to myself. When I am gone you will all be free of my misery. Please continue to pray for my soul.

Marami pa ako pangarap and plans but everytime I feel the pain it gets harder and harder everyday. So I am giving up on me now. Maybe when God decides to give me a new life in another lifetime I hope to do better. Tired. My chest. My lungs. I am longing for inner peace.

P.S. I want my body to be cremated and my ashes be thrown in the ocean of Baler. Contact my friend in Baler, he knows what to do.

– Kuya Amir

8-11-17/910PM

Calm Down

Calm down. Things are gonna be fine. Things are gonna be all great. Just relax.’

Remember this day because this is not gonna happen again. Just ask yourself what you will get out of all these. Learn from the experience and make sure that this will never happen again.

Today is June 7th 2017.

Shit happens and sometimes it happens because of our own accord. I did this to myself so I’ve got no one to blame but myself. Trying to calm down. This too shall pass. If there is one lesson I am gonna pull out right now from my lesson-learned-piles it’s going to be this- “Nothing is permanent in this world.” You will rise up again man and when that happens do your best to remain grounded and strive harder to be better while you are still breathing.

Let It Go

I’m not trying to be emo on this blogpost but today’s post will not be about hiking and adventure.  I just had a little weird dream about this song. I’m pretty sure you all know this song. Below is the audio link from Spotify:

I do not know what is with this song but I woke up and felt like my mind and body was humming to the tune of Clair Marlo’s song. Could be my subconscious mind was replaying the events that transpired during the last twenty-four hours. I do remember getting caught up with a lady on an elevator singing this song and I may have continued singing a few lines from the song.  What’s so special with this song and why this song of all the events that took place? I have no idea. Or maybe I have I just won’t admit it.

I’ve been avoiding it. I’m still human and I long for a company and someone, but as much as my soul longs for it, I don’t want any complications. I love myself too much that I never want to betray my mental and emotional peace of mind for the time being. It took me years to build a strong one and I can’t just let go of my guard easily. Risk? I believe in the perfect time of our Infinite God. There’s a perfect time for everything. When the time is right. I will know when to let it go. 

Lesson learned: The moment I hear someone humming or singing a love song,  max the volume on my earphone and listen to my own playlist or plan the next mountain that I will conquer!  🙂

Have a great weekend! 🙂

Running & Asthma

From early childhood I have been a sufferer of Asthma and as I grew older I still always get regular attacks that it has affected not just my personal well-being but also my social well-being. Because I am not allowed to be exposed from smoke and dirt and from crowded places, I would normally avoid social gatherings and would just retreat to outdoor activities to help my lungs breath normally.  The pain of having asthma is no joke that I would have trouble drawing a single breath and this would go on intensely especially at night as if I was breathing my last. So for two-months I started running for thirty-minutes before I go to work. I noticed that there had been a slight decrease to no attacks during the first month and on the second month I noticed a better stamina and no attacks at all. Take note though, that prior to these I was already doing a routine exercises but I would only do running once or thrice a week or sometimes, because of my busy schedule I would only do it on a weekend. The last two months had been a breakthrough for my health because it helped me perform my work well because I didn’t have any attacks and I was always present.

But on the third month, after achieving my personal goals, I procrastinated, I gave plenty of excuses to myself and stopped running, it added up eventually, that I realized I have not been running for three-weeks straight now. Let’s make it two because the third week straight I was bed ridden and could not run at all because my asthma returned. For the last five days I skipped work and refrain myself from doing any outdoor activities and stayed inside my room and forced my body to rest and sleep for more than 10 hours. Also, I did not take any other medications that were prescribed by my doctor other than the maintenance medicine that i’m using.  But I followed her advise and had my chest X-Ray, CBC and Potassium test taken and all three tests resulted normal.  I would eat fruits like Banana and jack-fruit but I wasn’t really eating a healthy meal since I was fond of putting chilli-oil on my food.  Today is the 5th day and I would say I feel a lot better compared to the last four days. It feels as if my body went into a state of shutting down and restarted on the 5th day. Earlier this morning, I decided to go out and test how my body would react, at first it felt like I will experience another attack but when a friend of mine called my attention my body started to adjust to the environment and I feel better again. I think.

Moreover, I started to exercise again today, it wasn’t the running but just the regular push-ups and crunches. I feel normal again. I don’t feel lethargic unlike the previous days. I learned a great lesson from this experience. 1.) I learned not to overindulge myself. Too much of good thing is bad. Moderation is the secret.  2.) Avoid making excuses.

I will try a diet over the weekend. I will update this blogpost for any progress.

Osmena Peak

“If you do not conquer yourself, yourself will conquer you.”
My last stop before I head back to Cebu city. I originally intended to camp at the summit and stay overnight but the weather wasn’t that good and I didn’t bring my tent with me. But didn’t stop me from enjoying the great view at the top!

The summit was covered with fogs when I arrived but I wanted to see the clear view of Cebu’s highest peak so I waited patiently and prayed that the fogs will go away and it did! After 2.5 hours of waiting Osmena peaks view finally revealed itself and i’m one of luckiest guys around to witness heaven. 

Crossing this mountain on my list and this hiking wraps up my 4 days Cebu solo adventure. Thank You Lord for the experiences–humbling experiences and for the stamina, strength, endurance and wisdom. I couldn’t have done everything without You! 

P.S. Kung naay Poz dere sa Cebu willing ko makipag kwentuhan nimo. DM lang bay! 

LOL, I have adjusted that well to their local dialect that they didn’t have a single idea that I am tagalog. 😅