Compromising Positions

It’s 4:15 AM, November 24, it has been a month since I met you and I can say that there were times that I was at high because at a certain level it felt good that I was acknowledged, valued, and felt needed– I think, and in the process of loving you back I went to a different route then got lost. I lost something in me that I’ve worked so hard to established but then maybe the foundation weren’t that strong enough.

I may have love you in such a way that I have forgotten that I also deserved to be loved back in return, that I deserved to love myself more, and that I am also special.

I woke up this early thinking about myself, I was literally talking to myself, asking,

what happened to you!?

and I didn’t know what to tell myself and I don’t know for some but I think Google, sometimes has the perfect solution to the complexities of life so I Googled it and it brought me to the Pinterest site.
It was a realization actually, we’re not official as a couple and yet we fight a lot and sometimes we argue then you would ignore me and I would chase you and I would wait for nothing.  I need to go back to the very reason why I ran away from my previous dating relationships — because they made me feel unwanted, it was always me finding time for them and I didn’t felt that my love was reciprocated. I think with what’s happening now I may have expected too much from you that’s why the frustration and disappointment follows when a promise is made and then doesn’t really happen.

starting today I will appreciate myself, date myself, treat myself with respect and will love myself more. I Love You Amir Bun Qi! You are special. Always keep that in mind.

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